LIVING BY SIGHT IS BLINDING

I always think to myself,
Each day is such a roller coaster.
It's something I hate, it's something I love.

Today... started alright. Became better. Stayed alright. Became better. Shot down. Became better. Did a really weird twisty loop. Stayed alright. Became better. Did a weird plunge, got better for an hour, and just now just stopped in the middle of a loop. Sometimes I don't know whether I should laugh or cry, but most days I don't mind the healthy confusion. But some nights... I lay in bed and I hear myself ask, "What the hell am I doing here?!"



I used to think about life in wins and losses. You win some, you lose some. I used to think about life in point value. Somethings are just worth more than others. I used to think about life in weight. If I do this now, I won't have to do it later. I used to think about life in cuts and band-aids. He cut me now, but if he makes up for it, it'll be okay. I used to think about life in trade. Circumstances occur to double the happiness in the future.




I used to try to justify everything, play it cool-- not fake it off, just come up with an excuse for why things happen. I did it because I wanted the assurance that everything will be fine. Now that I know things can never be fine forever, it's okay. 9 times out of 10, the best times... wonderful, beautiful, everlasting moments happen when you want them to. When there is an internal will, there is a personal way. And still... there is an unanswered question because it is confirmed in you, but not your sight...

This whole world is built on sight!

I hate it. I love it. I crave it.
I am disgusted with myself for even considering it.
LIVING BY SIGHT IS BLINDING.

Some days... the things I see. The things I feel... they all feel like lies. Everything feels unreal, unforgiving...

But at the end of the day... I'm so elated and grateful that the moments I value the most... are true, because they are forever.

Each day is such a roller coaster.
It's something I would never even considering giving up
after you dragged me through Hell and back.