BIRTHDAY SEX/ PROM censored

I WANT IT

I just had a revelation. I like being spoiled.
...Because I'm usually not.

It must be prom jitters and crap, but I kindda wanna cry. Oh, and I'm probably PMS'ing. But really, I like being spoiled in the times that I do, and I honestly treasure it. I know we're rich. But my parents never really believed in spoiling me even though I'm their only daughter. But not just with, like, stuff, because I don't ask for much. But when I ask for a little more, I'm totally shot down because it would be unecessary for them to do more. I don't get it. It's not like I'm gonna turn into those only-child people that always get what they want.

I remember I used to have a lot of childhood friends who were also only-childs. But growing up, they always had what they wanted and totally maxed out their parents' cards. I think my parents were scared of that, so they surrounded me with more unfortunate people with younger siblings... who got whatever they fucking thought of.

And now, my mom wants to take over my debut. Not because she doesn't want me to have it. She just.... never had one. She was too busy in Europe being Miss Philippines-United Kingdom in the 1970s. -_-

My debut is gone. Now all I have to look forward to are birthdays and proms and wedding. Except, maybe not birthdays because... we didn't celebrate this year. I don't know, I haven't had good birthday celebrations since I was 11, in my opinion. And birthdays are so important to me because I'm the only one of me, and it's a celebration of life and love and another year spent together.




When I turned 14, I allowed friends to bring their friends. One of their friends happened to be Puerto Rican/Filipino/Black. My grandma told me to not talk to him. I decided it was my choice in life now to talk to whoever I wanted to talk to, so I thanked him for coming and talked a little with friends. My grandma came over and started making racist remarks at the mostly-black looking part of him. Most of my guests went home without smiles. And they did not come to my next birthdays -_-




When I turned 15, my exboyfriend brokeup with me and offered "himself" as a present to be my boyfriend that night. I accepted that, in tears. Then, he had to leave early. Sounds like an FMyLife.com story -_- My friend looks okay so I left him uncovered.

image censored

When I turned 16, I had to ask my godbrothers and friends to come and have dinner with me at a Chili's because my friends didn't want to go or were too busy. My exboyfriend got me Starbucks. We had to go to DownTownDisney to meet up with people I'd never met, because it was THEIR birthday. We missed the fireworks. My exboyfriend offered to play DS for my birthday. I said yes -_-

When I turned 17, I had a massive load of homework and my parents greeted me at night. At a fastfood joint. And proceeded to ask about homework and the debut that my mom will control. I got upset and tried to claim it, but my dad told me to just give in. I cried over icecream -_-


Maybe I'm expecting too much. To receive, you must give. Well, I fuckking gave my hardest this year in school and family. As in, I passed out in school. And a classmate found me on the restroom floor. And I got an upper respiratory disease. And I worked sooo hard for my license. And the car. And I can't drive, I'm still sick, and I have constant headaches.

The best thing I'll be having next year? BIRTHDAY SEX.



HAHAHAHHAHA, JEAN, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
Ok. Only if I'm lucky. Besides,

MY BIRTHDAY IS FEBRUARY 4. WE'RE HAVING MY DEBUT IN JUNE. MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY IS JUNE 16.

fuck my life frealz dawg.

Somebody save me
from the monotony
of this feeling
that life will be wasted away
before the day
I celebrate
my dying day -_-

edit: 8:18pm

A lot of the time, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Seriously.

edit: 8:40pm

Wow, dude. Why is everyone mad at me right now?? I'm so left in the dark today. And I've been a bitch lately. I think. Maybe... cuz it must be why everyone's like that.

edit: 10:05pm

[21:52] ballz5946: sorry about my screen name...
[21:52] ballz5946: i hope you don't have a date to prom
[21:52] ballz5946: because i am hoping to ask you
[21:53] dapanapanapanda: who is this
[21:53] ballz5946: i sure hope Andreas hasn't asked you because i really wanna go with you
[21:53] dapanapanapanda: and why do you have a screen name like this.
[21:53] dapanapanapanda: idk if i wanna go with just balls
[21:53] ballz5946: hahahaha
[21:53] ballz5946: sorry
[21:54] ballz5946: it was the only i could get
[21:54] ballz5946:
[21:54] dapanapanapanda: you suck, ballz.
[21:55] ballz5946: no
[21:55] ballz5946: i don't
[21:55] ballz5946:
[21:55] dapanapanapanda: i'm kind of hoping you are who i think you are.
[21:55] dapanapanapanda: because i was thinking about you today
[21:55] ballz5946: who am i?
[21:56] ballz5946: really?
[21:56] ballz5946: cuz i think about you quite a bit too
[21:56] dapanapanapanda: well anyway. i have a feeling andres will ask me tomorrow. presale ends -_-
[21:56] ballz5946: are you gonna say yes to him?
[21:57] dapanapanapanda: i think so
[21:57] ballz5946: why?
[21:57] ballz5946: that guy is a cockfag
[21:57] dapanapanapanda: hey babe?
[21:57] dapanapanapanda: you just crossed the line
[21:58] dapanapanapanda: goodnight

edit 10:59pm

CHAT CENSORED :[
SORRY, J.