PRIORITIES

I need to get my head out of the clouds and get my priorities straight.
For once.

Maybe I should try sticking to them this time. Someone had to slap me in the face recently. Well not literally. But they made me realize that I tend to give priority to people who don't need me or want me as much as the ones who truly care. Maybe I've been too all over the map when it comes to others. It's not so much of a "trying to please everyone" complex, but I just like experiencing and talking with different people. I think what's most important sometimes, or sometimes all the time, is treasuring the ones closest to your heart, as you are to them.

It hurts to think about it, but I admit, I tend to give my time and effort to people that abuse me. I'm not talking about family or a significant other, but seasonal friends. The ones that step into your life because they can count on you, even if the favor isn't returned. I never beat myself up about this before, but I basically set myself up for disappointment. One thing I've learned this past year: hope exists in the world, but it's too few and too far apart. And when it doesn't exist in the world, and only in me, sometimes even that can't amount to something that can save me from sorrow. You just have to deal with it and find some way to move on or make a better change.

People freak out when I say "Sometimes, it feels good to hurt." I don't mean go cut yourself and experience bloody ecstacy, I mean enjoy life for what it is. Life isn't perfect. And truly, it's our unique imperfections that make us beautiful, and our excessive expectations that make us ugly. So, what pleasure in life would be worth it without some sort of price? In a twisted way, (and you don't have to agree), but to feel pain... to be human... to mourn the death of a loved one, of love, or friendship... is only a mark of your capacity to feel, and a sign that the best is yet to come.

I think I'll keep my Mercedes. There will always be better cars. Bigger, better, faster, sexier. It'll be exciting to have a new-car-feeling. It's always fun to entertain the idea of something "more this" or "more that," but really, it's what you've got that's special. I mean, I can go out and find myself a sleek Altima, Camry, or Civic, but the truth is, I love that C280, and I'd rather be riding fly in my own eyes than relying on the approval of a temporary world. In my eyes, it's the best.

I'm already set. But to make it better, I need to cut out the excess, be thankful that I had a surplus, and focus on the good that I have and the better that will come because of it.