The joke was on me tonight. I can't believe I went all out for someone who didn't deserve it. Or makes me feel like I don't deserve them. I'm full of the feeling of questions...
When did I ever get this confused???? I used to be so sure. Now I'm insecure.
I'm not in a state of questioning my life, or raising questions... I'm just... confused. I used to be so sure.
I hate this. I almost want to cry. Cry for beauty. Cry for joy. Cry because I'm unhappy. I'll be alright though.
I think it's because I'm wathicng "The Truman Show".
Hmm, no, maybe it's more than that. I feel used. I had to throw away the box and card that I made for someone. He just took the presents... and left us there. Left me. I'm so bothered. It hurts to love someone who couldn't give more than a damn about you, because of someone else's bias. What a nasty way to live.
PS:
My mind is officially blown. LOL. This movie rocks. It's bittersweet because I want to know what happens AFTER the end, but that would be totally hypocritical. I'm so moved. I can't stand anything anymore! I feel so paranoid, and I don't want to be paranoid anymore. I won't even hug for shit like I used to. Maybe all this disorientation is due to me feeling so used tonight, but ughh. It's been like this for a few days.
And the song I just added to my playlist, ("Miss You" by Edvin Marton), is exactly how I feel all the time. Whether in passion or in pain for my desires. Because that's all a blog really is, right? A place to record desires through thought and reflection. I won't go on any further.
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